Run No. 1334              3^rd May 2010

Venue:                         Chez No Eye Deer

Beer:                            Westerham’s SPA; Whitemills Whiskey Cider

Location:                     Letchworth

Hares:                           No Eye Deer, Sis & Psycho

Runners:                      27

Virgins:                          0

Visitors:                         0

Newies:                         0                                 

Hounds:                        2

Après Hashers:           3

Total:                            32

Membership:               Imagining the nattering that went on setting this Trail!

As the RA & the Hare Raiser made their way from the Station to the venue the heavens opened, just as he was called up by Pepé le Pew to warn anyone at Chez No Eye Deer not to tap the barrel of ale there as another one was on its way.  The warning was passed on just in time to stop Flip Top from breaking the seal on the barrel of the live Ale!

On the way to the venue the RA & the Hare Raiser was stopped 3 times by Sloppy Seconds, who approached them in his Mazda FM, they became a bit concerned that he was kerb crawling around Letchworth & that the good people of the World’s first Garden City would be contacting the Police to stop this kind of thing!

The rain ceased by the time the RA arrived at the venue, he soon found that Sis was in a ‘winding up mood’ as she said that she & No Eye Deer had to move the barrel of Ale by rolling it as it was too heavy for them to lift!  This left a few a bit agog as they knew that the barrel that was in No Eye Deer’s garage wasn’t a bright Beer & therefore if it had been rolled the sediment of yeast would have been disturbed to make the Ale cloudy as soup!

The Pack were eager to get on with things as they looked at the heavens, most expected another downpour, but the Grand Monkey was delaying the ‘off’ as No Eye Deer was trying to direct Little Hole, Skip, Wacko & Half Pint to the venue.  Psycho, who had made her own way there with no trouble, was exasperated that none of them could use the Satnav!

ARP arrived on her bike just as the Circle was finally called, after the GM had carried out his duties with the Hash welcome, the Curate then stepped forward with three Down-Downs, these were for the three Hares, or as the Curate called them the ‘Witches of Eastwick’ which led Psycho to quote the opening lines from Macbeth, to which Mr. X asked if she often recited the ‘Scottish Play’?  These early Down-Downs were awarded for wining up the Curate with the disturbed barrel story!

The Pack were then just pointed off up Aubriys without any further information, Mr. X & My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead had already seen Dust, as they had walked to the venue using the first part of the Trail running along the alleyways between the crescent shaped Auberys.  As the Pack made their way out through the first alleyway a hail storm struck & My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead complained that he had wished he had worn his hat as the little ice lumps hit him hard on his pate.

The Hash crossed Auberys to run down Earlsmead where it carried on along an enclosed alleyway along by the School playing fields, the Dust suddenly seemed to disappear, but then Sparky called ‘On!’ from further down an enclosed alleyway.  As the rest of the FRBs followed on they failed to see what he was calling for as there was no sign of dust along the way.  The Dust was finally found as the FRBs emerged out on to Alington lane by the local School, Sparky had been redeemed for ‘running blind’!

The Trail reached a split in the road as Alington lane peeled off, the majority seemed to favour the way along Muddy lane & the Keenies followed Sludge as he led the way up to the Baldock Hitchin road.  The RA & Hare raiser knew that there was Dust to be found up Spring lane, toward the Broadway.  Sludge called ‘On!’ but there seemed to be no Dust out along the roadside that he had dragged the other two on to, from off of a desire line through the wooded strip rung along the edge of this road.

            Of course once everyone was on the road’s footpath, the Dust was spotted within the tree-lined strip beside the road, so Windmill, Sparky, Sloppy Seconds followed on behind Mr. X, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Sludge as they took to the last part of the path within the wood. 

The RA was a little shocked at seeing some of the graffiti on one of the trees, he hoped the phallic symbol wasn’t put there by one of the three Hares.  Sparky decided that he would rub the said phallic design, which raised some concerns from the others, if only Pebble Dash had been present that day she would have been beside herself as Sparky claimed he was checking out whether it was flour or not, & some wag said that it’s been a long time since he felt one as large as that!

The FRBs came out to find a CHK by the UK’s first roundabout, situated on the Broadway, Mr. X explained that when it was opened around 1909, there was no directions as to which way to drive around it & so there were a few accidents until the give way to the right rule was brought in.

Each of the possible choices from the roundabout seemed to have Dust at an equal distance from its centre.  Sludge spotted one blob down Sollershot East & he was convinced that he was going the right way, even when he ran out of Trail he continued on one of his ‘I’ll pre-empt where the Hares’ are going to take the FRBs’ & try to intercept it further down the road.  He wouldn’t find any more & so he would have a long trudge back that would be just the start of a few ‘self inflicted’ disasters to befall him that day!

The other FRBs fell for three of the other options that had no more Trail on them than a single blob, before they came back to the roundabout for the umpteenth time, there they spotted Pepé le Pew with his distinctive hair cut heading over toward Sollershot West.  No Eye Deer marked the Trail over toward that way.

It was along way down the Sollershot West the RA picked up the Dust, the Trail turned right at the T junction to lead down Highfields, another long stretch on the way down before breaking off on to the Letchworth ‘Greenway’ Sparky now led the way out through a wooden gate & on down a path at the bottom of a play area.  The Trail now led out to the open rolling hillside over looking the outskirts of Hitchin in the far distance, when Sludge would finally make it to this point he would go awry once again!

The Keenies made their way over along the top of the open hillside toward the Southeast, the Trail suddenly disappeared again as they reached a long rectangular plantation.  Mr. X took to the route inside the plantation of silver birch trees, while Sparky went around one side.  ‘On!’ was eventually called & the RA led the way up around the outside of a Briar’s patch.

The Trail was heading toward a clump of trees that had two odd looking pines within, that were made of plastic as they were mobile phone masts that were disguised as trees that aren’t local to this area!  The Trail would break off through the gap to an enclosed pocket of land, away from the plastic trees.

Having made their way through the enclosure of land, & around the perimeter hedge around more playing fields, the FRBs came out to a gate to find a CHK by a couple of benches & a strange pyramid shaped wooden carving.  The FRBs decided to Hold this to allow the others time to make up some ground on them.

To amuse himself, Sparky decided that he would try & sit on this uncomfortable looking lump.  He wasn’t on it for long!  Windmill was far more relaxed about it all, as he sat on a bench & remarked about the bright yellowy-orange cowslips on the grass verge by this rest stop.

The CHK was held for a while to allow the fairly stretched out Pack to get a little closer together, there were a few comments about there being a lack of flour on the last part of the Trail, mainly by the Mister Magoo’s on the Hash!  Flip Top was quick to defend the Hares efforts, with such a vitriol defence it led the RA to enquire if he was married to one of the afore mentioned Hares?

No Eye Deer ran up to the Keenies & allowed them to start searching once more.  Flip Top led the way up by the ‘Welcome to Letchworth’ sign & on along the A505 Hitchin to Baldock road.  He was soon stopped by a T!

The Keenies turned back to see Sloppy Seconds peering down so low at the bottom of a lamppost, it looked as if he was sniffing at it like a dog would to see who had marked their territory!  The RA was unimpressed & would not forget this scene!  Mind you, if you drove a Mazda FM (FannyMagnet) then you’re used to getting that low to the ground to get in & out of it!

The Trail was picked up down the hill toward Hitchin, most of the Keenies spotted that the Trail crossed over to a footpath heading out south, but Sparky carried on down toward Hitchin & seemed not to hear the calls of ‘On back!’.

A nice trot along a path meandering through a bit of woodland, there were only the odd tree root to watch out for as the Trail led out to a CHK on the corner of common land, that had areas of long grass which were fenced off with chicken wire, no doubt to prevent the infamous Black Squirrels from getting in & doing damage to the saplings within?

The majority of the Keenies decided to head up along the path at the top end of the field, back toward the golf club, while they left Sparky to look down the hill in the other direction, but Sparky gave up & turned around too soon to follow on behind the others where there was no Dust. 

The mistake was realised by the time Windmill had led the rest up to the turn in the footpath & nothing had been found, a local woman out walking her dog thought it was funny to see this bunch of Hashers run on by her a couple of time lie headless chickens.

The Trail was found leading down the hillside, as the Trail emerged to the more open common land, Sis was spotted sitting at one of the picnic benches up ahead.  There the sweetie stop was found, the RA sat down & was amazed to see that as he looked up Fartin Martin had suddenly appeared on the scene, as if from out of nowhere.  He hadn’t been spotted for most of the Trail but now Sweets were involved he was suddenly there!

Ewar Woowar, Millie & Does She Knightly came down to the sweet stop, with biscuit in tow, they were just a little late to see Sis show off a few Judo moves on Flip Top, who was now no doubt in trouble!  The Keenies decided that it was still a bit too nippy in the air to hang around.  Flip Top was the most eager to carry on & he led the way out to the main path down to the end of Queenswood Drive.

Spotted Dick found the Trail when the Keenies came out to the junction with Queenswood Drive & the  Willian road, the FRBs were now heading up toward Willain, where they saw No Eye Deer sitting by a sign as she had taken the short cut out of the picnic area!

The Hash thought that they were on the way home as the Trail left the road & took to a path on the safer side of the hedgerow, this area now has a lot of permissive paths around the area of farm land that is a conservation area.

Windmill & Mr. X thought that they were heading back as the sailed through a CHK down by the stream & bridge in the bottom of the valley, they weren’t ‘On’ at all.  Calls from those way behind them, indicated the others had picked up the Trail on the path within the tree line, beside the stream.   The RA pointed out the sapling that has replaced the dead one, which was planted in memory of someone who died at that spot in the 1990’s.

With some of the FRBs going astray, it allowed the short cutters of the GM, Pepé le Pew, Back Pack, Puddles & Spillage to make up the lost ground as they came down the hillside as the Trail resumed to the South & would lead around the perimeters of a series of fields on what was now a fine sunny day.

The patchwork of yellow Rapeseed oil dotted the rolling hills.  While the majority of the Pack followed the whole Trail around to a long loop back to Willian, the RA followed No Eye Deer on a short cut to the On Inn to open up the venue.  Along the way they were surprised to see Sludge coming down the hill toward them, Sludge was quick to get his excuse in about why he wasn’t anywhere near the rest of the Pack!

Sludge was not alone in being off Trail, for ARP, 2-1-2 Maureen & Custard were spotted following the Trail backward, Sludge decided that he was going to run off back over the hill & then down to stop the other two from heading straight in to the path of the Inn coming Pack.

The first back found Ketch Up, Princess & Jaron in their car outside of Chez No Eye Deer, he had brought along a barrel of Ale that was left over from the Wedding reception.  This left the Hash with two barrels of Ale, so it was decided that for the next Bank Holiday Monday Run the second ‘Live’ one would be kept for the Barbeque, so the Victoria Pub would be given a miss this time & the Run would be straight from Chez Pepé le Pew.

The Pack came back to a veritable feast laid on by No Eye Deer, thought he carpet in the front room took a hammering from the crisp fragments the kids seemed to drop.  Its no surprise they’re called Horrors as 3D went in to ‘serious mum’ mode when the kids started to play on the stairs, well the RA used to play on the stairs & it never hurt him (very often)! 

When the RA was a kid he played with toys coated in lead paint, had catapults, peashooters & airguns, didn’t wear any protective cycling or skateboarding gear, he climbed trees, played rugby (OK lost a tooth) all pretty much unsupervised & none of it ever did him any harm, now he Hashes all sorts of aches & pains besiege him.

When the GM was a kid he didn’t do any of the things the RA did, as he far was too busy to play as he working up Victorian chimneys!

Princess was in a strange situation, as she admitted that she didn’t know where she was going for her Honeymoon, & she doesn’t like not knowing as she normally has control. 

Having suitably gorged themselves on the feast, where some of the food actually managed to get from the oven to the table before being eaten, the Pack were called outside for the Down-Downs.

With a good turnout & a large supply of Ale & Cider there were going to be a few Hits awarded this afternoon.  First up where the three Hares, who all opted for the Cider, one seemed to have had a wee bit too much of this lovely drink!  Let’s hope Sis hasn’t been on the Whitemills when she does her Charity Driving Challenge!

Sloppy Seconds was out for his ‘kerb crawling’ activities; Sparky was out for firstly trying to sit on the hard wooden pyramid, as well as running off toward Hitchin while the rest had left the road to head off on a footpath.

Sludge was out with his cohorts of Custard, ARP & 2-1-2 Maureen for their ‘Off & On’ Trail running, which according to Sludge meant that they had all taken parting three different Hashes that day, they were asked to form their own Circle for their Hash & awarded themselves a Down-Down each!

 Pepé le Pew was awarded his, along with No Eye Deer for his description of her looking like one of Harry Enfield’s the ‘Scousers’ this of course led to lots of ‘Eh! Eh! Eh!’ & the odd ‘Ahh, day doo day don’t day dough!”  (How long has looking like a skunk been one up on looking like a Scouser, Eh? Eh?)

Skip should have been out for holding up the Hash, by not being able to work a Satnav, but instead he got his Hit for asking if No Eye Deer had Sky Sports or ESPN as he wanted to see the Arsenil loose! 

Princess & Ketch Up were out for their most recent of Hash Weddings, & forsaking their Nuptials to bring a barrel of Ale to the Hash!  Unfortunately Ketch Up forgot to bring some of the Cheese that made up the wedding cake along!

While on the subject of the Wedding, those who seemed to have to much of a good time were called out, especially those who left their cameras lying around (never leave your camera lying around at a Hash do) managed to capture or have captured upon cameras the sight of Hyena’s posterior.  There must be a lot of Fish-eye lenses out there!