Run No. 1355               31^st October 2010

Venue:                          The Green Dragon

Beer:                             Greene King IPA, Abbot; Fuller London Pride & ESB       

Location:                      Flaunden

Hare(s):                         Mr. X

Runners:                       13

Virgins:                             0

Visitors:                           0

Newies:                           1                             

Hounds:                          2

Après Hashers:             0

Total:                             16

Membership:                Spooked

                It was a fairly dismal looking day to start with, a light precipitation hung in the damp air as the few who were going to make the effort to get to this R*n, or was it those who had managed to change their clocks back from BST to GMT?, arrived at the venue.

            Most of the Pack made an effort to wear some kind of fancy-dress for this Halloween Run, those who didn’t have fancy dress where offered of loan from Pebble Dash, Puddles & Spillage’s extra dressing up gear, that was stashed in the boot (trunk) of their mobile fancy-dress emporium!

Hyena & My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead had ‘alternative’ fancy dress, as one had come as a Pumpkin & the other as Buzby’s stunt double respectively to scare the locals!  While the RA had his ‘horny’ Tassie Devil hat & a whip if the Pack need to be kept in order.

This week saw the Newie of Camomile Crack, who hails from Long Beach Hash in California, in the US of A, he had been brought along by Dawn & both had arrived with Sludge.  A few of the Pack commented on how hard it was to find this Pub, it is located in the back of beyond but that’s why it was chosen as it’s somewhere in Herts territory of beautiful countryside that we haven’t covered before & its quite unique as you will read later on!

Sis was having trouble with locating the village, Louise had been on the mobile (cell-phone) to the RA, but since the signal came & went as if it was being blown on the wind, it was a rather short conversation before it was unexpectedly terminated!

The small pack gathered to hear the JM call the Circle to order & welcome the Pack to the correct R*n number, this was followed by an under current of murmuring which sounded like “Vote a traffic cone in as GM!” but then it was over to the Hare to get the low down on what to expect out on the Trail.

Herts Marking were drawn out for our American Cousin, after he had been introduced to the Circle.  One different marking for the regulars of Herts was that of a normal circle for a CHK, but this one had a T added to one side in order to prevent any of the Pack choosing the right hand option from it, the reason was down to the fact that part of the plantation was under forest management & tree fellers at work in there, [Not Tree Oirish Fellahs? – Ed] so it was out of bounds!

One of the last things that Sis did manage to relay to Mr. X was that the Pack should start with out her group & that they would catch up, so without further ado the Pack were ushered away to the east to run to the crossroads with Birch lane, where a very fresh arrow directed the Pack on over to run down the continuation of the Flaunden Hill lane.

The Dust led on by the row of charming cottages & out in to the rural part of the lane, but just as they reached this a CHK was found by a footpath off to the south.  While My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & TB-T looked further along the lane, Sludge, Pebble Dash, Spillage & Puddles searched up the footpath between the hedgerow & an electric fence keeping the equines in the paddock away from the path’s route.

There were plenty of groans as the state of the path was of really deep Shiggy, it deep enough to stop any chance of running until it had climbed up to the kissing gate to the next paddock.  On the higher, drier ground the Dust led diagonally across to another kissing gate, this one situated in the eastern hedgerow. 

Along the way Sludge seemed to have trouble keeping his witch’s hat on as he was seen bent over as he chased it across the field after a sudden gust of wind!  Pebble Dash laughed too son as her witch’s hat went the same way!  Now the Pack ran along a footpath enclosed by a wire fence & a hedgerow on the way down to the single track lane, a CHK was found where it emerged by Newhouse farm.

It didn’t take long for the FRBs to pick up on the Trail, where it led away from beside the farm & out through the fields to the east.  Having clambered over a stile, Another diagonal run led the Pack across the next enclosed field & then over another stile, with a removable top bar, to pass through the thick hedgerow & down on to Bragman’s lane.  Now it was short trot down the tarmac to find a CHK on the elbow of Moonshine track, a permissive route that had even deeper Shiggy churn up by the horses that have been ridden along it. 

Calamine Crack & Dawn were among those caught out with the falsie running up the hillside, well you would expect an American to take ‘Moonshine Track’ in the thought of something distilled may be waiting at the far end! 

They turned back after finding a T upon the summit of the hill.  Back on the correct track & Dawn found that 2-1-2 Maureen was struggling to get through the really deep shiggy on the lower part of the permissive route running parallel to Bragman’s lane. 

The RA noticed that while  Puddles, Spillage, Pebbledash, T-B-T & even that big girls blouse of the JM waded through this deep smelly Shiggy, but My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Sludge had taken the easy option of running down the lane until they reached the entrance to Bragman’s farm where the next CHK was!

The majority of the Hash were soon on to the next stage of the Trail, as they passed through the gate in the red brick wall to run up through the enclosure on the opposite side, then up to a footpath hidden behind a barn in the top corner. 

The path now passed beside a riding school that was teaching a few riders, so Hash Hush was observed as the path came out on to the end of a drive way to Rose Hall farm, a few of the Keenies followed the footpath signs on a stile, but they were soon coming back after they did what the Hare fell foul of the day before.

The path the Trail was supposed to take to was meant to go across two enclosures, with dismantled horse jumps in, but an electric fence & a load of old farming implements put pay to that idea as the route was blocked. 

So they were directed up to the junction of the farm tracks where an arrow pointed them down one track over toward Hanging lane wood.  On the way a family out walking wished the Pack a ‘Happy Halloween!’ & the compliments were returned.  The Hare also assisted these people as they looked lost, since they were peering at their map & pointing toward the wood, he explained that the footpath they wanted was blocked but the track led to the route down to the watercress farm, which was their destination.

It was along trot along the track away from the farm, but eventually this met up with where the unmaintained footpath comes out behind the farm machinery that blocks access to the other stile!

The Hare hung about to make sure that the others would catch up, the Trail was marked well over the grey slushy Shiggy before the Trail started on the long trot down in to Hanging lane wood.  The path continued to descend as it ran through the leaf-litter on the floor of the broadleaf woodland.

The Trail came out to Valley Farm, where a barking German Sheppard could be heard yapping away, unfortunately by the time that Sis, Louise, Six Pack & Molly had made it this far, after their late start, the large hound was out & about wandering where the footpath crosses the farm entrance.  Its menacing barking put them off of trying to get on to the last part of the footpath down to the Watercress farm.  They turned tail to head back the way they came but somehow went astray!

While the rest managed to get down to the Held CHK by the Watercress farm in time for the first of the sweets stops, 2-1-2 Maureen & Dawn would like Sis & Co, miss out on the chance to eat a werewolf sweet.  A few took the opportunity to read about the Watercress farm, which as Mr. X pointed out is one of the last ones in the UK, the other being in Herts at Whitwell.

While Calamine Crack waited at the Held CHK, for Dawn with 2-1-2 Maureen to catch up, the Hare allowed the others to carry on searching for the Trail.  No Eye Deer was about to go completely in the wrong direction, so a subtle hints from the Hare got her to follow on behind My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead, Pebble Dash, Puddles, Spillage, Paxo & Sludge as they took to the modern duck boards on the Valley Farm side of the hedge by the river Chess.

The Trail followed the Chess Valley walk path as it came to the outside corner of one horse paddock on the sloping hillside, there the Pack found a V stop, which was the chance to look out over the Chess from an observation platform.  There were information boards to explain what wildlife can be seen there, one rare sight these days is the water vole & even Hyena learnt something as he too saw the information on what vole poo looks like!

With some ‘shit knowledge’ now installed in their alcohol addled brains, the Pack continued with the Trail to follow the next section of the duckboarded footpath until it came out in to an open bit of meadow, along the way most of the Pack saw a Deer which ironically No Eye Deer missed!  Then they saw a man in camouflaged gear creeping about in the thicket of a hedgerow, he was carrying a magnificent red tailed hawk on his arm!  

The Hare looked back & could see that Camomile Crack, Dawn & 2-1-2 Maureen were now catching up with the rest.  This meant that Mr. X could come out with his Gene Krantz quote of “I’ve never lost a man on my watch & we’re not starting now!” when he was flight director of the Apollo 13 mission.

Once out on the meadow, the Trail crossed straight over to pick up on a fenced in footpath running between the various enclosures for the horses at Mill farm.  It was along this part that My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Sludge pulled away from the rest of the Pack.  They missed the Held CHK by another information sign, a few like T-B-T started to go off over the pack bridge across the Chess but he was called back & set off in the right direction by the Hare.

The Trail now passed through the bottom end of Mill Farm to follow the Dust beside the crystal clear water of the Chess along to the west, it was all very scenic.  Here there was some more wildlife to look at as in the meadow on the opposite side of the river were several long horn highland cattle.

The Pack came up to a CHK by a metal kissing gate & there were three choices, one of which was a footpath out in to a fallow field.  The Hare was going to take the Hash further along to the west in the Chess Valley, but had decided not to go as far as the ruins of the old Flaunden Church, which was the site of the village of Flaunden until just over 200 years ago, when after years of constant flooding the villagers moved a couple of miles up the hill.

By the time the majority made it to this point T-B-T was seen wandering aimlessly out in the tall golden wispy grass, meanwhile the rest took to the bridleway which ran parallel to the footpath but on the opposite side of the hedgerow.

Both paths would meet & T-B-T needed some guidance to get him to this point where they merged in to one path to run up through Baldwin’s wood, T-B-T did have one advantage on the outside as he didn’t have to make his way through the deepest Shiggy yet on the Trail! This didn’t go down well with one of the girls, but there was no way to get back with out ploughing on through it.

The Trail dried out for a short while as the route rose up with the wooded landscape, but then after a fallen tree across part of the bridleway things began to get back to being the type of Shiggy that pulls Hash shoes off of your feet!  The Bridleway now separated Baldwin’s wood & Flaunden Grove to the left.

Along the way Paxo had a close call with one of the Horror’s Devil’s tridents as it came close to his eye, leaving a muddy mark on his cheek, but it could have been far worse he could have been bending over to rescue his Hash shoe from the Shiggy!  But unbeknown to the JM, the Hare had some spare eyes in his bag so he would have been ok!

The next CHK was the one with the forestry commission work being carried out on the right, so there was a T on that side of the circle.  No Eye Deer seemed to have trouble spotting either of the Yellow or the Red Warning signs by the start of the plantation being worked on!

This CHK was quickly dealt with as the Hash made their way up through between two plantations to emerge out of the North End of the wood.  My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Sludge had already been through this CHK, T-B-T was a little behind them in their wake & he had marked it eastward along the outside of the wood to Martins Top farm, there the route led around another horse paddock & then up between this & the farmyard.

At a kissing gate at the end of the farm a CHK was found, now it was a simple case of heading further north toward the tall mast of an aerial, this wasn’t for mobile phones as no one seemed to get a decent signal in this area, in fact it was a part of RAF Chenies. 

The Trail led along by the thick hedgerow which sheltered the harrowed field, behind the tall hedge was RAF Chenies Radar Station.  With its underground bunkers, it was used for early warning system, then it became home to the Met Office’s Gandalf Project, sadly now days most of it is derelict but it still retains a small golf ball radar.

Away from the Radar station, & in the far distance the small Church tower of St Mary Magdalene could be seen, the Hare pointed this out to be the Church in Flaunden & it was toward this that the Pack should be heading.  This picturesque Church was designed by none other than Sir Gilbert Scot R.A. who designed St Pancras Station amongst other great works.

In the far corner the dome of an observatory stood out above the tall hedge & it was beside this, on an uncapped track that a Held CHK was found.  Sludge & My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead waited here until T-B-T, the JM, Pebbledash, Puddles, Spillage & the Hare were there. 

This was the second sweet stop & now the horror theme for these sweets (candies) were eyes, these sweets (candies) even came in pairs & some of them reminded the Hash of Junior’s eyes as they were a red orange colour!  T-B-T took his pair of jelly (jello) eyes & screwed his face up so that they sat in front of his own closed eyes, they did look weird!

By now the rain was coming down heavier & so the Hare allowed the Pack to move on to complete the last half a mile, Pebbledash wasn’t happy with the Hare as she read the sign back to Flaunden, he got a “You said it was only half a mile to go, half a mile back there!” from her, to which the Hare replied that these were ‘country miles’ which everyone knows are not the same as statute miles!

By the item the Pack had made it back to the end of the track covered with reused tarmac the rain had eased off.  Even tough the precipitation had almost stopped, there wasn’t much enthusiasm to run, Hyena had found all of the earlier exercise too much & his oxygen starved brain saw him wander away down by the Church to go around the bend, he was not on the right & was called back to the Pub which was hidden behind a huge green hedge only 20 yards away!

The Pack held on or Sis to come back, for this there was a lot of messing with missed messages on mobiles (cell phones) about as the signals blew about aimlessly in the ether.  Mr. X had to stand across from the front of the Pub to get through to find that Sis, Louise & the Horrors were lost down by the Bricklayers Arms.  They were directed back to the On Inn.

The Scales were brought out by T-B-T, Hyena wasn’t happy that they weren’t as accurate as those used at his local ‘Fat fighters’ clinic, [Did it say ‘No coach parties’? –Ed)!  As each person got on the scales, these moved about like a see-saw on the uneven flagstone floor, there were lots of moaning as weights fluctuated between some real extremes, but My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead was exceedingly pleased to discover that he had lost a couple of stones since he first got up this morning!

For Calamine Crack, his turn at being weighed resulted in a translation from imperial Stones to just pounds & he too seemed happy with his weight of 210ish lbs!

The RA had got permission fomr the Landlady for the Circle to take place in the small Snug Bar, which hasn’t change since the early 1940’s, with the exception of the TV & a couple of ‘new’ pictures on the wall!  The JM toasted the Hash, then Paxo stood in for the absent Curate to award the Hare his Down-Down for a splendidly scenic Trail, with plenty of wildlife to see on the way around.

Normal service was resumed as Mr. X took the Circle to award Dawn & our Newie, Camomile Crack a Down-Down each for looking after 2-1-2 Maureen & being a visitor, while 2-1-2 Maureen received hers for claiming the Hare said that it going to be a short Run, when he didn’t!  The only reason that it took an hour & a half to get around was the deep Shiggy that was impossible to Run through, as well as there were two ‘orrid sweet (candy) stops.

Hyena was called out for being a grump, complaining about allsorts including the accuracy of the scales! T-B-T received his for getting around the slippery Shiggy conditions without taking his usual tumble, which led to just a few of these past slip ups being retold for the visitors.

Mr. X finished with a slight historical tale for Halloween, as Von Ribbentrop actually visited this Pub on a regular basis while he was the German foreign minister to Britain in the 1930’s, he was the first top Nazi to be executed at the Nuremburg Trails in 1946, after Hermann Göring cheated the hangman by committing suicide!

As the Circle stood down, Mr. X remembered that he had saved the last two eyes for Molly & Six Pack, Sis made her way to the other end of the Bar & out of sight of what looked like Junior’s peepers as the two Horrors tucked in!