Run No. 1382               20th February 2011

Venue:                          The Cross Keys

Beer:                              Timothy Taylor Landlord, Rebellion IPA, 

Location:                      Harpenden        

Hare(s):                         Mr. X

Runners:                        20

Virgins:                            0

Visitors:                           0

Newies:                           1                            

Hounds:                          1

Après Hashers:             0

Total:                              22

Membership:               Mad as Hatters!

This week saw the arrival of Crispy Bush to the Herts Hash, after the recent turn of events in Libya has left him stranded here in the UK!  It must have been a bit of a shock with the difference in weather conditions, here in the UK it was about 4 degrees but with a slight breeze that was quite biting, while things have certainly become a lot hotter in Libya.

Anyhow, the Pack made their way from over on the green to the Cross Keys for the Circle to take place, but the JM wasn’t happy with the Pack blocking the street, so after a bit of clucking from Paxo the Pack all moved a few feet to a wider part of the walkway.

With the absence of the GM, a bad case of Man-flu apparently, it was down to Paxo as Joint Master to have a stab at the Run Number & it seems that he was not too far off of the correct one!  Then the Newie of Crispy Bush was introduced to the Pack, this was followed by the Hare being called forward to explain what the Pack may encounter on this Trail.

The Pack seemed to like what the Hare said about it, a quick guide of Herts markings for the Newie was followed by a statement about there would be short cuts, then the Hare went on to mention that there were lots of dog walkers out there, as well as people in training for various marathons, then he warned the Hash to look out for Giraffes!  Yes Giraffes.

The Pack were ushered off around the corner to the car park behind the High Street, there wasn’t much enthusiasm to start with as the Trail led on up Thompsons close to a CHK by the junction with Bowers way.  Sludge, Sparky, T-B-T & Sloppy Seconds were straight over the road & on to the alleyway up to the flight of open face steps for the bridge over the Bed-Pan line.

On was called over the bridge & the Trail crossed high above the Railway to descend the opposite flight of steps, at the bottom of which a CHK was found.  Sludge was again on form as he headed northward along toward the Old Harpenden Hospital where he picked up the Dust, Sparky was called back for his futile exploration of Stewart road

Again T-B-T, & Sloppy Seconds were close on Sludge’s heels as they led the Pack up by the Hospital entrance & along to a CHK by the corner of the playing fields of a St George’s School.  Here Sloppy Seconds went awry as he carried on up Carlton road toward the main entrance for the School, there he would find a T.

As the Pack made their way down the fenced off footpath running beside the school grounds, Dust was found at the corner as it turns through 90˚ to the right & then again to the left. 

The FRBs would now get away from the rest as those behind were taking it easy due to the Shiggy along the way. After Mr. X passed by Psycho, Party Animal, Pebbledash, Puddles & Spillage, a big cheer went up as it sounded like someone had slipped over but a glance back proved that it was a near miss to hitting the deck rather than a Down-Down for whoever received the cheer.

The footpath would turn a right-angled to the south, it was at this point that it passed by a garden that had lots of shrubs & bushes in, it was in a couple of the said bushes that carved Giraffe figures could be seen poking out of the top! 

The footpath came out on to Stewart road, here the next CHK was found & by the time the Hare had reached this point Sludge & Sparky were well ahead as they found the Trail down Stewart road & then on Sauncey avenue to a CHK on the corner of Ox lane.

Sludge & Sparky were then caught out as they searched the two options away from running a loop back up to Carlton road, eventually they realised their mistake but this allowed Paxo & Sloppy Seconds time to catch up by the time the Trail was picked up again.

While the main body of the Pack made their way around the loop, My Lil’ was entrusted with a bag of flour to mark the Short Cut for Roger the Cabin Boy & Kylie, as they had to get Charlie’s wheeled box up & down the a couple of flights of stairs at the start of the Trail.

By the time the FRBs had made it across the mini roundabout & on to the bridge at the start of Hollybush lane over the railway line, Kylie & Roger the Cabin Boy were already down the steps beside the main line, they were now On the Trail as it started off on the start of one end of the ‘Nicky’ line.  The RA was trotting along with Paxo when they caught up with the charming sight of Charlie, just as he laid an egg at the leafy side of the route!

As the Hash followed the Dust up the tree lined route down in the cutting of the former railway line, Mr. X explained to Crispy Bush that this was once a branch line that was originally built to ship straw from the local area around Harpenden, Redbourn & Hemel Hempstead to Luton, there it was used in the Hat making industry.  Sadly after the hat making industry in Luton ceased the remaining passenger service didn’t pay as it was just transporting waste, so it was axed in the late 60’s by a relation of the RA!

Incidentally, the reason that we have the expression “As mad as a Hatter!” is due to the fact that they used to use mercury in the production of the felt used on some hats, once this is absorbed in to the body it can not be removed, having severe effects on the brain & nervous system!  [Tea party anyone? – Ed]

The Trail led up to the first Held CHK, situated by the railway bridge with Ambrose lane high above the line.  The Hare pointed out the long scrape in the muddy bank created when he tried to lay the CHK & slipped backward, this seemed to amuse the rest gathered there awaiting the tail of the Hash to come into sight.  But it wasn’t as amusing as hearing Sludge inform the rest that he was now in the Dog House after last week’s Hash & the drinking during the following Six Nations game in Our Mutual Friend!

Onward again, Sparky was the only one to even consider looking up the steps to the road above but he didn’t get very far as he soon heard calls of “On! On!” from further down the line.  The Pack now started on a long stretch as the dust followed the leafy way over the bridge with the Luton road below, unlike a previous Trail that went on this by-way there was no CHK by the steps with the danger warning signs not to use them.

The Trail carried on further westward until it reached the old level crossing at Moreton end lane, here the FRBs fell for the Falsie straight ahead down by the old single side platform, with a white post signal at the end.  Now, the rest of the FRBs started looking for the Trail again, Sloppy Seconds went off to the south & when he poked his head out of the bushes to peer back down the line, he was informed by the Mr. X that there was no Trail at all to that side of the line.

Paxo, Sparky & T-B-T found the dust leading out down Roundwood park road & on to a Bar CHK, Sloppy Seconds was soon following on & he tagged a long when they came back a few yards to go off down an alleyway beside the Townsend School grounds.  When Sludge had made his way back from finding nothing to the south of the line & found the Trail heading northward, he failed to see the Dust down the alleyway by the School. 

Sludge would end up going back to the Railway line & tagging along behind the SCBs on the Short Cut, he would soon pass by Hyena, Fartin Martin, Georgina, Kylie & Roger the Cabin Boy with Charlie in his wheelie bin.  He made up the ground just as the Keenies came off of their loop on the footpath from beside the School & out along the edge of the football pitches & then the perimeter of the farm land on the north edge of Rothampstead experimental Station.

On the way up the Short Cut, as Crispy Bush was asked if he was ‘power walking’?  Meanwhile the Hare just happened to glance back to see Skip was actually running on a Short Cut, he thought that the whole idea of SCBing was to avoid running?  When questioned why he was not on the Loop, Skip replied that he wasn’t on it as he has a dodgy leg!

The route was now more to Puddles’ liking as she found that there were plenty of shallow pools of rainwater for her to splash about in & live up to her Hash name!  Luckily Pebbledash, Sloppy Seconds, Paxo, Roger the Cabin Boy or Fartin Martin were living up to theirs!!

Hyena was dropping back a bit by now, he was finding it hard going as he had to go back to work this week, he said it was a bugger having to get up early.  Hyena added that he’s been put on ‘light duties’ which made a few as ‘How could you tell?’  Mr. X said that he has never got out of the habit of getting up early, even when he wasn’t working.

As the SCBs reached the CHK a very large, prop forward shaped guy went jogging by & the RA said that he was glad to see that other ‘fat boys’ can go out running!  At the CHK on the crossroads of three real options from the five paths available, only T-B-T & Sparky were game enough to continue on down the Nicky way on another loop.

While these two braved this the majority of the Pack, Fartin Martin, Georgina, Psycho, Party Animal, Pebbledash, Puddles & Spillage all opted for the Short Cut, as did Paxo, Sludge & Skip after falling for a Falsie down beside Townsend Nurseries.  Sloppy Seconds was another who chickened out of a nice trot down the line & then along the hedgerow of a crop field to meet up with everyone else at the last Held CHK, just a few hundred yards from the CHK on the Nicky Way.

The Pack waved a T-B-T, as he turned the corner in the distance & emerged on to the edge of the field, once he was well on his way to head back & meet up with the rest of the Pack, Mr. X allowed the others to start checking it out.

Skip & Pebbledash were keen to head off on the route southward to the very centre of the Rothampstead experimental stations estate, where they grow & test crops for genetic traits in a nice way.

Meanwhile My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead had other ideas & he went back a short way toward the Nicky way & took to the footpath heading eastward along the hedgerow of a smaller fallow field.  Sludge was the one who benefitted from this as he had been carefully watching each way & was soon passing My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead as he called “On!”

The Trail now followed the contour of the field & then down the hedged-in path as it turned right to run behind the homes on Park avenue, then around the northeast corner of a crop field & eventually emerge out on to the corner of Rothampstead park, the going along this section was harder if you tried to walk it than run it, at times it looked as if some of the Pack were skating on ice!

From the CHK at the corner of the Park, both Sludge & Sloppy Seconds followed the route down by the lime trees where there was no dust at all, eventually after a lot of subtle calling from the Hare they realised that they were off Trail & so they cut across the now vacant soccer pitches to catch up with My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead as he & the Hare made their way over to the small club house.

The Trail was now drawing to its conclusion, as the Dust led out behind the Club house changing rooms & out of the small car park to the rather nice suburban back streets of Harpenden.  Sparky managed to catch up as the FRBs led the way out down Orchard avenue & on to the final CHK of the Trail, this was not overly taxing to find the Trail from as the obvious route of the fenced in footpath running between a few of the rather large properties was the obvious & correct choice.

The sheltered path led out on to Kirkwick avenue where the Dust led around the corner to head down the hill toward the centre of Harpenden, bit a straightforward route wasn’t taken back as arrows directed the Pack to the left on down Salisbury avenue to find an sheltered footpath, this one led down behind the properties of Kirkdale road & out beside the Churchyard of St Nicholas, just at the end of this path the On Inn was found, behind the High Street.  These roads get their names with ‘Kirk’ in them from the Scots for Church, for some reason there’s a large Scottish community in Harpenden.

The Pack settled in to the Bar, Sparky continued his conversation with Skip & Sludge about the use of blasphemous Gorblimey, or Cor Blimey, as its meaning is from a “God Blind Me!” Meanwhile most of the rest were happy to admire the pewter topped Bar, the brass cross keys set in the flag-stone floor or the 100’s of tankards that hang from the ceiling of the Bar, each being numbered, perhaps they need a Hash one in there?  Imagine cleaning all of these, that would be enough to make you blaspheme!

Ketchup & Jaron made it back from the Trail, after a late start & negotiating the obstacles of the flights of steps.  Eventually Hash Beer was sorted & the Pack Circled up on the rear patio of the Cross Keys, the JM toasted the Hash, & then had to have a gentle reminder that the RA wasn’t going to present himself with a Down-Down for being the Hare!

Normal service resumed with the Mr. X taking the Circle & starting with Pebbledash for her effort at ‘Pole dancing’ around the upright post supporting the lentil outside of the Bar, this was hardly the sexiest thing ever seen on the Hash as she was wearing a coat that resembled a quilt!

Skip for called forward for his Running on a Short Cut, then claiming to have a bad knee!  It was also mentioned that there was no sight of ‘Paxo’s tickling stick’ which goes with the Hashit these days.  The Pack were shocked to hear that Skip had kept it up his jumper, but the RA questioned him if it wasn’t kept somewhere else as it had ‘dags’ on some of the feathers!

A grumpy Hyena was in a very rude mood indeed, & he kept butting in when the RA was speaking, he seemed to particularly enjoy having a go at Roger the Cabin Boy when she was called out for letting Charlie defecate on the Nicky way.  As Roger the Cabin Boy had a migraine it was down to Kylie to finish off her punishment.

Crispy Bush was called forward for his Down-Down after completing his first Herts Hash.  Finally the Hashit went to Sludge, most of the Pack knew this by now as he had mentioned on the Trail that he was in the ‘Dog House’ after staying on & watching the England v Italy Six Nations Match in the Pub with Mr. X, Hyena, & My Lil’!  It seems that he holds them to account for the demise in his sobriety as they “Kept buying him drinks all afternoon!”