Date                    29th Sept 2019

Run Number     1875

Venue                The Half Moon

Location            Hitchin

Hare/s                 My Lil’

Beer                    Loads of Quality Ales!

Runners             16

Virgins                  0

Visitors                 2

Newies                 0

Après                    3

Hounds                1

Total                    22

Membership      Witnessing a New Conkering Campion

            This week saw Hair Flash & Instant Whip turn out, seems that they may be doing a little UK Hash tour as both were sporting new London hash 2,500th Run T-Shirts, on their way back to Worcestershire.  Missing this week was Fliptop, the old Conker Contest Humbug, who no doubt was having more fun sitting at home watching paint dry?

            Anyhow, some of this week’s Pack raised themselves off of their sick-bed to turn out, the down-side being that the RA wasn’t allowed to drink Alcohol with the anti-biotics he was taking, so he was the butt of a few jokes during the day, many of which were aimed at him by Lemming!  

The RA admitted that it was a bit weird in going to watch the Australia v Wales match that morning at Hitchin Rugby Club & being in the club house without having a Beer!  It was also the first time that he was going to be in the Half Moon without having an Ale!  Kylie did benefit with the early opening hours got to have a morning Ale!

            Less of the negatives & back to the positives.  Paxo called the Circle together, then My Lil’ began his ‘Chalk-talk’ which was briefer than Lemmings thong!  Hair Flash & Instant Whip were introduced just as Wanktlers arrived from the direction of the Station, while Lofty & Henry approached from the opposite one.  Time was just gone the hour, after Kylie had been placated for his Hash Picture outside of the Pub!

The Hare pointed the way up beyond the Lord Lister Hotel to head off up Park Street to the south, after a few hundred yards a CHK was found by the footpath leading up the steep side of Standhill, an old path that saw the likes of Lemming, Mother, Tent Packer, Wanktlers, Milf, Ketchup, Prince Garmin, Hair Flash & Instant Whip all surmounting the top of the hillside & out on to a Bar CHK on Standhill Road. 

Meanwhile Pebbledash, Mr X & Paxo were all given an advantage as the Hare marked the uncapped path after the FRBs had passed by, this now headed nor-nor-east along the ridge, making its way behind the homes of the small estates to the northwest of Standhill Road.

The Trail moved along above the homes on the slope back down to Park Street, but as it continued along by the abandoned packets of prescription drugs, the view would disappear behind a brick wall as line of small homes would appear on the west side of the now wider old road of Storehouse lane.  On one of the bushes along the way a child’s jacket was spotted hanging from one branch, Mr X said called for the Pack to ‘Leave Ewok’s Jacket alone!” to which another wag added “It’s too small, but I suppose she’ll grow into it” [Enough, stop belittling yourselves with heightist Jokes! – Ed]

The FRBs would catch up with the SCBs where the tarmac end of Storehouse Lane turns to the right to join St Andrews Place then on to a CHK at the crossroads with Lyle’s Row & Kershaw’s Hill.  The Pack seemed to stall at the CHK, yet there were those who could see the future, the future being the towering sight of Windmill Hill, which rises from the bottom of Hollow Lane to the north at the end of St Andrews Place.  Milf’s checking out was halted as she stopped to talk to a guy in a van, it appears that she knew him, a she said to Mr X that “She always stops to talk to me!”

Sure enough, Lemming & Wanktlers found the Dust down that route & then up the short flight of concrete steps up to the bottom south-western corner of Windmill Hill.   It was noticed that Ewok & Back-pack were now missing, seems that they had gone off to do some ‘Investment’ shopping!

A long steady climb up the grassy slope was the future for the Hash!  Lemming & Wanktlers veered over the hillside toward the old wrought-iron bollards to the east, but they would be called back as the Hare headed across by the line of trees the Dust was marked on further up to the north. 

A photo stop was called by Milf, as the Hash laboured up to the bench at the very summit of Windmill Hill, Mr X bemoaned his umpteenth climb of this hill over the many years of Hashing, it is almost impossible to by this without scaling the heights!  Still it was worth the view out over Hitchin town centre, with St Mary’s prominently displaying a cross of St George fluttering in the breeze.

When the Trail resumed Lemming & Mr X checked it out inside the gap in the chain-link fenced off wooded hillside of the Queen Mother Theatre but no Dust was found there.  The rest of the Pack had continued along the tarmac path to the east, on passing by the underground reservoir Mr X caught up with Paxo.  The RA didn’t quite believe Paxo’s mock surprise at realising the signage indicating that he was passing through two fenced off sections of Hitchin Girls School’s grounds.

Lofty & Henry were already out on the edge of Highbury Road, there the Trail crossed straight over, but care was needed as this is quite a busy route in Hitchin, so much so that around 20 yards up the road is a bridge to take the school kids over to the eastern side. 

With the Trail taking to the short, seemingly dead-end Cul-de-sac, the SCBs were surprised to arrive at the CHK there which was already marked down the tarmac footpath of Avenue Path, through a narrow gap in the red brick wall.  But then the Hare was seen coming back up this & the Keenies were following on behind him.

Mr X benefited as calls of “The Hare’s got lost on his own Trail!” from Lemming & a few other FRB’s echoed around the passageway, for the RA knew that there was another narrow walled-in footpath that led a few feet to the south & then changed back to an easterly run.  The Keenies soon caught up & passed by the SCBs once again as they emerged out on to The Avenue.

Straight over the back streets of red-brick Victorian homes & the continuation of the footpath turned down to the southeast on a gentle descent out on to Chiltern Road.  There the Trail turned direction, heading north-easterly up to the elbow on Chiltern Road, there a CHK was found by the start of the Pinehill Path.  Tent Packer & Hair Flash had gone astray out in to the playing fields of Pinehill Park, they came back to find the rest of the Pack were now making their way along down the Pinehill footpath to its conclusion on the edge of Benslow Lane.

A trot by Pine Hill Hospital would lead away to the south-east just far enough to pick up the footpath of the Benslow Path.  A north-easterly old route that leads up & over the footbridge spanning the main-line to Kings Cross.  High above the tracks, Milf was heard to say “We’ll never get Kylie off here!” which later on was music to Pebbledash’s ears! 

Now on the east of the tracks, the Trail followed Benslow Lane out on to St Michael’s Road, then heading down through the subway & out to the north-eastern side of the road, it was noticed that Lemming & Mother weren’t for going through the dark subterranean route, instead they scuttled over the top of the road.

The Hare arrived & was happy to leave Milf, Lemming, Mother, Tent Packer, Wanktlers, Hair Flash & Instant Whip all to disappear down one of the rabbit warren of the back streets on the estate where all the roads are named after famous writers, none of which hailed form this area!

Utilizing a series of intersecting footpaths linking the many back streets, the Keenies soon gained back the lost ground.  A bloke on a bike nearly hit the Hare, then he stopped & asked if the “On! On!” calling Milf, who was now up ahead, was with the Pack? [Care in the community? – Ed]

 After scaring off her potential stalker, Milf was now free to run on by a clearly marked arrow pointing up an alleyway!  The Hash would now be led up on to a north-westerly path that runs between the estate to the southwest & the playing fields of North Herts College Sports Centre. 

After a long stretch this long stretch the Trail would come out on to the A505, there the Hare seemed concerned as to why Lemming was veering off of the roundabout & over toward the Railway bridge to the west?  Lemming was called back, his vision was then questioned with My Lil’ saying that Lemming should pay a visit to Specsavers!  Hair Flash & Instant Whip manged to find the Trail, as did FWB, Wanktlers, Tent Packer, Mother & Milf who could all see the Dust plainly daubed on the line of trees up through Meadowbank, at the end of this small estate the Trail came out in to the south-eastern tip of Walsworth Common.

A kids’ play area had to one side a large ‘Oversized’ chair & of course Hashers being Hashers chose to head over to this, some hauled themselves up on to the seat, while others demanded a ‘Bunk up!” which brought childish giggles.  Lemming couldn’t get up with the others, not with his old knees he had been to see the Doctor about, so he had to do with having Milf’s inner thighs as ear muffs!  Lemming asked the Doctor for  second opinion so the Doc said “Your bald too!”

Mr X noticed that while photos of the big seat were being taken, the rest of the Hash had followed the Hare way back along the southwestern edge of Walsworth Common, which had a large fenced off area of managed earth in its centre.  The Trail would leave the common by way of a small gap in the southern end of the green space, the Pack were really spread out, as Paxo & Sparky were not that far away, while Pebbledash & Kylie were almost with the Hare as the Trail led on down through Common Rise, all the way to its southern end where it joins the A505 again, familiar ground to Lemming!

The Trail now passed under the old railway bridge to the southwest, then on the opposite side of the tracks it would take to two zebra crossings, one over to the end of Nightingale Road, then then next crossing over near the Station Entrance end of Walsworth Road. 

The Keenies bunched up near the Tesco express, as a CHK was found next to the store.  Paxo was more concerned with extracting cash from the Cash Point in the Tesco wall!  The CHK was marked away down the Walsworth Road by the Hare with an On Inn.  No doubt the CHK was originally set there to try & fool Mr X again in to running down toward earlier in the Trail?  But since he hadn’t walked by it he wasn’t going to be caught out again.

The Trail simply followed the Walsworth Road, the B656, along by the bottom of Windmill Hill & then opposite the Market place to come back in to the Half Moon, where Flying Solo, Elizabeth & Isabelle were found preparing for the Conker contest, with one of the girls looking like she had already been practising in sporting a very long plaster under her chin.  It turns out that she had come off her bike while practising without stabilizers!

  The RA disappeared for a little while, he went off to sort out a venue for the Dia de Meurtos, [Well he wasn’t drinking! - Ed] just as the area was being closed off by the Police, due to someone threatening to leap from the top of the Multi-story car park!

Back to the Pub & Mr X found Milf taking charge over a flapping Kylie, who had lost his phone after getting changed.  A quick call & the guy who picked it up, answered Kylies mobile & brought it along to be returned.  Interestingly the finger-print scanner was out of attempts when Kylie tried to unlock his mobile!

The Hash would begin the annual the Conker Contest, even though the context of the competition laid down by My Lil’ was beyond some of the participants!  [What, bash one conker against another two times, let the opponent have two goes, playing of ‘Strings & stamps until one is destroyed? – Ed]

However, all said & done it was more exciting than last year, especially with Lemming’s running commentary to boost moral!  It soon became clear that it was the first time that Elizabeth & Isabelle had played, & it would be understandable if on-looker thought that Sparky hadn’t played before!

The clacking & cracking of conkers clashing together could be heard around the patio, but with the endless swishing sound coming from one corner it became obvious that Sparky couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo, let alone his opponent’s Conker. 

Hair Flash decided that ‘Conker Suicide’ against Sparky’s was far honourable way to go than endless tedium of ‘swing & miss’ from Sparky.  Sparky’s aim didn’t improve when he tried it without his glasses!  Mr X arms began to ache, but eventually he manged to overcome Sparky’s Conker & stamp on it!

Mother asked My Lil’ where he got all of the Conkers from, his reply was “A horse chestnut tree!”  While Sparky had the Pack laughing when he said he was “A crack-shot with a Bren-Gun!” [Thank heavens he was never called upon to defend the Realm! – Ed] At least Sparky would have a few spare conkers to take home, as he said they are supposed to keep spiders away!

The Circle was called, to bring a bit of light relief!  The Hare, along with last week’s Hare were awarded for two good Trails.  The two visitors of Hair Flash & Instant Whip were awarded for their first Herts Trail.  FWB & Kylie were out for UK Nash Hash related hits, with Kylie being presented with an apron to wear, this was the one from UK Nash Hash in Kelso, it had a hirsute male torso wearing just a Kilt, the very one that FWB kept lifting up at the event, which revealed under the kilt a very hair pubic area with a large appendage & big conkers hanging down! 

Mr X also elaborated on how Kylie was got very excited up in Newcastle on the way to UK Nash Hash, for they had ‘Naked Azuma Trains’ there, all where just a grey base colour, devoid of any company logos! [Whatever tickles you fancy! – Ed] Lemming was last out for not being able to mount the bench, but instead he made do with having Milf thigh Ear Muffs!

The Competitors were whittled down, each round of losers were awarded a prize of, Snickers, then it was peanut butter Chunky Kit-Kats, then Topic Bars until reaching the Peanut M&M’s (all of the sweets having a nut theme to go with the Conkers.

After some barracking from Lemming toward Mr X, the final came around to being between Flying Solo & Backpack, who had gone off to purchase an old War-time German Respirator, so Prince Garmin stood in for Back-Pack & keep the numbers even.  In the end Back Pack (Prince Garmin) came out on top, though his trophy was now devoid of the peanut M&M’s that were once inside it.

After the jollity, Mr X called for some quiet as he respectfully announced that Tent Packer’s Brother-in-law, Maid in China, had passed away earlier in the week.  As the Pack were requested to take time to remember a guy who Hashed with Herts when he was over here, Mr X add that the Pack should also raise a glass to toast the lives of Goodie Two Shoes, as well as Fruit & Nut who both passed away in the last week.

On the positive side: All in all it was a good day, that even Fliptop would have enjoyed!  Even the suicide attempt was talked down by the Police.  Plus the RA’s anti-biotics help with Chest Infections, Malaria, Typhus, Leptospirosis, Travellers’ Diarrhoea & Syphilis, so girls, by the end of the course of tablets he’ll be as good as new & you could take him home to meet you mum!